Monday, March 14, 2011

Depression.

First of all super fun title right? Yeah I know, let me just preface this post with this:this might not be the most jolly sunshine post but it's something I struggle with and it has a happy ending. Plus it's going to be long and most likely lack pictures. The end. Now onto what I would like to say.

I have decided over the last few months that this blog is going to be about my everyday life and be more like a journal for me than anything else. Something for me to look back on in the years to come and remember what life was like with just husband and I. Also a place for me to write, and hopefully become a better writer, which I would love to do. It has taken me a while to figure out exactly what I want to write about, how much I want to share, do I just share craftiness or everything? It doesn't sound like that big a decision, but for some reason it has been for me and I think that's why I have forgotten about it for the last ...oh I dont know 4 months. I'm hoping that I will find joy in blogging again and stick with it.

Not many people know that I have depression. Not the 'oh I've had a bad my whole life is ruined' but there are periods of time where I don't want to get out of bed, let alone leave my house and the rare occasion where I don't want to go on. I don't want people to think I had a tough life because I've had anything but. My family is pretty much leave it to beaver and I love them all so much. My childhood was amazing, we traveled, I never knew what it was to want, I got good grades and was excelled in soccer. Looking back now my life has been a-maz-ing. I have been completely blessed and if someone were to ask me why I was sad I wouldn't have a single reason to give them, which is really hard for most people including my husband to understand. I won't go into too much detail but a couple years ago I was in a really bad place and by the grace of God my life was saved. Since that time my life has done a complete 180, I found out what it was to be happy again and met the absolute love of my life. He makes me smile and laugh until I cry and loves me when I have bad days and don't know how to go on. As I sit here writing this he is sleeping and I am thinking about the family I have been blessed with, a church that I am growing to love and that I get to live my absolute dream, plus the bestest friend a girl could ask for. God is so so good. I don't know where I would be without Him, most likely not here. This is pretty heavy stuff and thinking about everything that has happened makes me want to cry. But I just remember that I get to wake up tomorrow go for a long run, play with my four puppies (I know 4 dogs, right, what was I thinking agreeing to this), and be crafty all day long. I LOVE my life and best of all I'm here to live it.

Totally different subject but my mom came down this weekend, and it was the best. I love when she comes down. We spend all day shopping (literally we left at 11 am and didn't get home until almost 10pm) and then finish the day off with cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory. I can tell her anything and she always has the best decorating ideas. She is one of my best friends and I wish we lived closer so I could see her all the time, maybe someday.

Today has been a long day with church, field trips with our friend Sean and dinner with our fantastic friends Misso and Steve. I heart them, and we always have the best time. I am more than ready for bed and to begin tomorrow.  Goodnight moon.

This is how I wake up. every.single.morning. As soon as my eyes open Maximus think it's playtime. 
Oh hello 75lb dinosaur. 
Prayer meeting before service.

Oh and my camera decided to die. Lovely. So until I decide which one I would like to buy and then actually do it, enjoy the iPhone pictures. 


Much Love

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